Tweyelite

I need a brainstorm, Ideas??

2009-11-12T15:49:54Z

I've been thinking alot about what to do with myself and my life. In some ways I wish I could go back in time and take my dad up on the offer to create my own business instead of going to college. The problems with the little piddly jobs I've been doing is that they don't have any real significance. I want to do something that helps people, that serves a real need. I considered going back to school but how can I decide on a course if I don't know what I'll enjoy? Besides I'm already 27 and I don't want to waste time or money that I don't have on pursuing something unless I'm absolutely SURE I want to do it. I just want to do something that I feel good about.

Money is great and necessary but being excited to go to work every day is a higher priority for me than getting paid. I think part of the problem is that I've been trying to fit myself into the 'regular' jobs out there. I'm not regular, I'm different, so maybe the best thing I can do is create my own opportunities. I'm still trying to think of a valid idea that I can pursue and also make money with because I'm really sick of being poor all the time and not having the money to look after my dog and myself properly.

I also do not want to spend the rest of my life relying on the government for the scraps they give me. I need some help with ideas, ideas on what I could and would want to do. I want to do something that will incorporate the skills I already have. I'm creative, artistic, enjoy writing, reading, helping people, making others happy.. I'm sending an email like this to many people that know me best to get some of their ideas, brainstorm if you will. So if you can think of anything helpful let me know. If not, thanks anyway for taking the time to read my blog.

What Ellen DeGeneres Knows for Sure

2009-11-11T16:36:00Z

What Ellen DeGeneres Knows for Sure
(She Thinks)
Ellen DeGeneres
Photo: George Burns
1. My home address. But I'm not printing it here. Nice try, Oprah.

2. I know that "personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open." And I know that for sure because I read it on the sign at the dry cleaner's.

3. I forgot what number 3 is.

4. Sometimes I forget things.

5. I'm sure I'm good at making lists.

By the way, I should point out that there are things I know for sure and things I don't know for sure. Also, there are things I wish I never knew. Like did you ever see that Primetime report about hotel rooms and what's on the bedspreads? Exactly.

Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.

For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.

While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.* And it worked. I got my own sitcom.**

The show was very successful. I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being…me.

I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.

Eventually, I decided to go back to how I started my career, and I wrote an HBO special. Then I got my talk show. And look at me now…I'm on the cover of O. And that's the highest honor we give in this country.

I know for sure I would never change any of the hard times I went through in my life. Because it was in those times that I grew the most and gained the most perspective.

It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure…I think.

Boondock Saints 2!

2009-11-04T16:34:52Z

SO FREAKIN EXCITED! If you haven't seen Boondock Saints for God sakes go and rent or stream it. SEE IT. It was a brilliant movie and I'm so excited the sequel is out. Julie Benz is in it too. She is much more pleasant to look at than Willem Daffoe. Either way.. SQUEE!

It started playing in theaters on Halloween however there was no notice of it on TV that I saw nor is it playing anywhere in Ottawa. WTF!? Not cool.

On a personal note I is getting sick.. knew I shouldn't have kissed that pot bellied pig last Wednesday ;)

Sympathy for the Devil..

2009-10-31T16:52:07Z

I'm going to gel my hair into horns before I go out tonight but I don't want it in ALL day so these are the Halloween day photos. Happy Halloween Everyone!

Felicia Day Picspam!

2009-10-29T21:54:42Z

25 Questions from Afterellen.com

2009-10-29T05:26:06Z

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

I don't remember.. 2am-ish. Nope my dog was with me.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

The gift of telepathy ;)

3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

Eulogy was hilarious and disturbing. Family dynamics are always amusing. Plus there was lesbian drama.

4. What is your favourite TV show of all time ie you've seen them all, can watch it over and over again and quote lines from it?

I can quote Buffy.. sad to say but true nonetheless.

5. Whats your favourite way to wake up and what's the first thing you do?

To the smell of bacon cooking. Go on my computer.

6. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?

Anastasia Beaverhousen.. but really.. Adara, sure why not?

7. If you had to do a bushtucker challenge (you have to eat insects/grubs etc) what would be the worst thing you had to eat?

All bugs are nasty but I think eating a spider would be pretty wrong.

8. Whats the worst/most embarrassing CD/Album you've ever owned and do you still have it?

Pump up the Jam. My brother bought it for me when I was 10. Nope don't have it anymore. I really miss the Humpty Dance cuz it's your chance to do the hump.

9. what would be your dream vehicle (bikes, cars, boats, batcar and millennium falcon is allowed!)?

dream vehicle.. a hover craft! Or the X-men Jet..

10. Whats your favourite fantasy people sandwich?

What the hell does that even mean? Um if I were a cannibal I would eat a tongue sandwich :P Mylie Cyrus's tongue, and Hannah Montana.. kill 2 birds with one tongue!

11. What characteristics do you dislike in yourself?

reacting impulsively, not thinking before speaking, being too blunt, insecurity.. jeese this could go on for a while..

12. Your favourite item of clothing and why?

HATS! Because they make my head not feel naked.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be and who would it be with?

Space with a hot lesbian astronaut.

14. If you could have any animal/creature, What would be your ultimate pet be?

I already have the ultimate pet. His name is Tommy and he deserves a cape he's so cool. Otherwise I would want a miniature dragon or unicorn.

15. What did you want to be when you were little and do you think you ever will be?

I wanted to be a bus driver. Fuck no.

16. What's the next planned event you're looking to in your life?

I don't make plans if I can help it but there's a murder mystery next month..

17. What were you doing before you started this?

Watching Heroes for the lesbian action between Claire and Gretchen.

18. What was the last thing you ate that you really shouldn't of ?

Pillsbury cookies and cinabuns

19. If you were an ice cream/haagen daz/ben and jerrys flavour what would you be?

Bubblegum

20. Who was the last person you spoke to that you didn't want to talk to?

I dunno if she reads my blog so I'm not gonna say names..

21. What was your favourite toy as a child . . .and now?

Child: legos or blocks. Now: My bunny

22. When was the last time you cried laughing and why?

I can't recall, but I'm sure it was because I was stoned.

23. What is stashed under your bed/mattress?

Random boxes of things I don't need and have no place to store.

24. What did you dream about last night?

Ask my subconscious and get back to me, I'm curious to know.

25. What are you really afraid of?

Never getting my life together.

Damn right!!

2009-10-19T14:29:43Z

Tammy Lynn Ethridge Blog Post

a rose is a rose is a rose.

when the government declared the illegality of interracial marriages unconstitutional in the late 60s, it was not a unanimous decision. in fact, 80% of the country was against it. thank goodness the country led us into better perspectives, and didn't leave it up to the humanly flawed citizens. but now... we're going to VOTE on equality? "is this person the same value as that person? say ay or nay..."

would rosa have wanted the people to VOTE whether or not she could get on the bus? would martin have waited for a VOTE to see if everyone thought blacks should be equal? i think not.

no matter how many voters there are wrenching away MY RIGHTS into their bigoted hands.... you can't take my family away from me. you can't make us stop loving each other. you simply can't.

try to vote on that.

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!! if you can finally make it to first-class citizenship, then so can i. one day.

tweyelite @ 2009-10-17T15:07:00

2009-10-17T19:08:45Z

Miscarriages are an awful part of life. Hopefully it works out next time.

Gobble Gobble

2009-10-13T14:31:50Z

Last Thursday when my girl showed up she brought me a red rose! No ones ever bought be flowers, ever. My roommate, my girl and I went to the gay bar as well that night and they were selling roses there and she bought me 2. So I had 3 roses. I can't believe how sweet and kind and lovely she is.

I went home this weekend for thanksgiving and saw the family. It was pretty momentous. I found out I'm going to be an aunt again! *SQUEE* My brother and sister in law are about to have their first. Chris thinks she's going to have twin boys for some reason. It's funny because I kept getting tarot cards saying a new baby was going to be in my circle. I'm very excited for them. They will make great parents.

Well I need to shower and wake the hell up. Gotta walk the dog and all that jazz. Hope every other Canadian had a lovely turkey day with their families and all the Americans have a good one next month.

You know what's wrong with gay marriage?

2009-09-28T02:24:01Z

Watch the vid:
http://psa.bgrdesign.com/Blanket.mpg

Quote of the day: Some of the greater things in life are unseen, that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..

“Swiss Cheese Brain”

2009-09-23T19:11:14Z

Narcissism as a psychological definition is typically seen as self-involved attitudes and behavior where there is little or no empathy for others. Narcissistic wounding starts early in life to children whose parents are insecure, abusive, addictive or have narcissistic patterns themselves.

Narcissistic injury happens to the child when his or her emotional needs are not met. The narcissistic parent has unresolved needs for attention and caretaking because his or her needs were not met in their early life. Neglect, physical, mental and sexual abuse, being spoiled and not given structure and limits create the wounding. Narcissism can be an inflated ego sub part or the trait can take over the personality. Narcissistic attitudes and behavior come from the ego defenses that function as smoke screens to hide the deep shame and fractures that came from being hurt emotionally or physically as a child.

The child who was not allowed to have boundaries becomes energetically and developmentally arrested at this level with beliefs of not being safe in the world and being unworthy and unlovable. Thus the Shadow is born with the defenses and negative core beliefs becoming set in the child's repertoire. The child carries this primitive, self-defense core of fear even into adulthood. This is called the “Core Script” or Core Identity, which is like a big lens of perception by which the world is viewed. The defenses remain lurking in the unconscious mind ready to be called into action at any resemblance of threat.

The False Self—Narcissism or Codependency

We can be a little bit hurt or a lot hurt by neglect, abuse or trauma. The depth of the wound to the psyche determines the severity of the insult to the child’s personality and a loss of the true self for the child. A false self develops along with a fragile self esteem of defining identity as feeling good when being given to or giving to others. The child is stuck in early primitive defenses and cannot go through the stage of normal separation from the parents that is necessary for growth.

Children of a difficult, more stubborn temperament defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get his needs met by others. They learn how manipulation and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way.

The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love.” Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children grow up learning to give too much and develop a false self of becoming co-dependent in their relationships.

Living on Fantasy Island

People with narcissistic thinking and behavior strive to defend their fragile self esteem through fantasy and have blind spots in their thinking. Living in a fantasy world where all their needs are met and unrealistic expectations take the place of life. They become involved in material things, vanity, and are shallow developing excessive life long interest in things that are not real such as movies, rock stars, soap operas and video games. They fear their feelings, gaining deep friendships and intimacy and cannot develop mature love relationships.

Fantasy can become an attempt to not see what is really there in order to build up a fragile self-esteem. People with narcissistic traits process information, emotions and unresolved pain to make up for what they did not have in childhood. They often place unrealistic demands on others to make them feel better. They cannot tolerate negative emotional distress and turn it on others and blame them instead of looking within to see their own part of the problem. This is the defense of projection—what the person does not like in him or her self, they get angry at others who may have some of that same trait. Projecting one’s anger onto others instead of using it to learn and grow is always limiting.

Self image is distorted with the narcissistic point of view and the person believes that he is superior to others. An inflated self-esteem is a defense to cover up their sense of shame deep within. Grandiosity is an insidious error in thinking that prevents them from blaming themselves and becoming depressed or disintegrated. Creeping narcissism in a person is their succumbing to the gradual demands of selfishness and entitlement by giving in to “I am special” beliefs.

Narcissistic Defenses—the Need to Feel Good at all Costs

Selfish people usually insist on having things their own way at the expense of others. The need to impose getting one’s way over others is an unreal attitude and expectation that sets other people off against them. When the person with narcissistic tendencies doesn’t get what he or she wanted, he feels devalued. Since they cannot tolerate the feelings of fear, hurt, anxiety, helplessness and despair, they defend against them. They deny and rationalize their own contribution to the problems to preserve their own internal fantasy of being all good and right.

People with narcissistic tendencies have errors in thinking which prevents them from seeing things how they are from both sides of the picture. Not wanting to feel bad inside, they build defenses such as denial, repression and a strong need to be right. When the person has severe traits, they can feel an increase in self-esteem when they get what they want and feel no remorse or justify their using others. John Masterson called this rigid type of thinking a “Swiss Cheese Brain” with holes in the brain and mind where good common sense and conscience should be.

Some even get a sense of feeling superior when they get their way or make others feel bad. This is the dynamic underlying bullying. (See my video, It’s not Okay to Feel Good by Making Others Feel Bad at http://www.angriesout.com/ to understand this dynamic.) When hurting others becomes a hook into feelings self-satisfaction, the narcissism takes an ugly turn. There is a cost to this false sense of self-esteem. People who abuse and bully others end up being lonely because others do not want to be around them.

People with narcissistic behavior cannot handle criticism in any way and feel that they are being made wrong. . They are supersensitive to criticism and either attack the other person or they leave the scene. This blaming the person who gives criticism helps the person with narcissistic defenses avoid feeling guilt, shame and depression but it also keeps them from taking responsibility for learning from their mistakes and ultimately from growing up.

They can pout and give the silent treatment or hold grudges. This combination of these defenses that distort reality often set them up for failure in partnerships.

When the narcissistic traits are too severe and causes havoc in the lives of others, there is a disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder happens when a person’s outlook is so distorted to the extent that they do not see reality as it is and cannot see the needs of other people. These people are the takers of the world leaving pain and destruction in their wake. If their behavior is left unchecked, they become con artists, manipulators, sociopaths and dictators.

Without empathy for others, people with narcissistic personality disorders can irrationally justify and rationalize their hurtful and unlawful behaviors and may become sexual predators. Family members who have sex with children always have some element of narcissism seeing others as objects that are available for their own sexual satisfaction. High intelligence coupled with a lack of empathy and remorse for hurting others is a dangerous combination for family members. With extreme narcissistic behaviors, the diagnosis may be a sociopath personality disorder.

The Narcissistic Person in Relationship

The two greatest fears we humans have in relationships are fears of engulfment (smothering, being controlled by someone else) and fears of rejection and abandonment. And to spice up the human drama, our greatest longings are the needs for connection and the opposite need for space and individuality. This is the great Cosmic joke! What a set up for problems! And so the couple dance is set playing out these great, universal themes. People with narcissistic traits have more of this quality than other people. They play both these fears out in the relationships with their significant others, yearning for closeness and fearing it the same time.

When the narcissistic person grows up, they harbor the irrational belief that the person they choose for a partner will give them perfect love and make up for all the hurts and slights of their life. People with severe narcissistic traits long for an ideal love to soothe their fragile sense of self. This yearning for getting unconditional love is an unresolved need left over from childhood. Most adults realize unconditional love would be nice, but understand that it rarely happens as people we love usually hold us accountable for our actions in some way. As we should be—no one should be allowed to impose their neediness and bad behavior on others.

In the narcissistic mind, there is a gap between the idealized love and the actual day-to-day dealings with their partner. They long for symbiosis with the idealized love to stabilize the self, but they fear being traumatized by the partner. They seek refuge in being seen as the good guy and try to gain approval and recognition. When this does not come forth readily, they feel wounded, hurt and attacked. Family members learn to back off from confronting them about their behavior and not “hurt their feelings.” Without someone to put the brakes on their unhealthy and abusive behavior, they can become tyrants.

Constantly seeking attention and approval puts them in the precarious position of always needing something from somebody else. As they believe that they are right and others are wrong, they rarely admit to faults in themselves. They can verbally abuse and punish their spouses and children without seeing the pain that they cause as they believe that the person deserves they abuse they dish out. They may try to enlist a child to side with them and turn against the other parent.

People with narcissistic behavior have a sense of entitlement that allows them to break the rules of society. They believe that the laws do not apply to them and they do not feel remorse when they get caught. However they are upset over any inconveniences they suffer as a result of being busted. They believe they have the right to do what ever it takes to get short term gratification without suffering any consequences.

Lying and distortions of reality are considered fair game to shut the other person down. They feel free to cheat on their income tax, take what is not theirs or cheat on their partners. Criticism of their behavior or trying to get them to see what they are doing only causes them to entrench further into defensiveness. When found out in a wrong doing, they get evasive, lie or get angry. They have little or no remorse for the pain they caused the other person, only anger that they did not get away with their behavior.

Intimacy Skill Defects

Narcissists have a lack of insight about understanding and processing of feelings. Instead, they deny their uncomfortable feelings and run from them with the exception of anger. The huge core of shame inside must be protected by avoiding the vulnerable feelings. They avoid taking risks to love and never learn to develop true intimacy. They would rather threaten their relationship than face humiliation, embarrassment or injury to their self-esteem. They are slow to learn the all important skills of commitment such as sympathy, understanding the intentions and motives of their partner, compassion and empathy. They may even choose someone to love who is even more narcissistic and selfish than themselves thus mirroring their own problems.

True intimacy and a lasting partnership require the skills of dealing with conflict. After the euphoria of a new relationship wears off, each partner’s values and belief systems begin to rub against each other. At this point negotiating conflict is necessary for the relationship to continue effectively. Narcissistic people often discount the issues in the relationship and pull away from their partner. The narcissistic defenses of becoming angry, shutting down, minimizing and distancing keep them feeling safe in the moment.

Intimacy is always affected. When problems are never resolved, the partner becomes highly threatened and angry themselves thus weakening the relationship. Typically children and partners who suffer verbal, physical or sexual abuse become so overwhelmed and threatened that they do not want to continue in relationship.

Intimacy Skill Defects

Narcissists have a lack of insight about understanding and processing of feelings. Instead, they deny their uncomfortable feelings and run from them with the exception of anger. The huge core of shame inside must be protected by avoiding the vulnerable feelings. They avoid taking risks to love and never learn to develop true intimacy. They would rather threaten their relationship than face humiliation, embarrassment or injury to their self-esteem. They are slow to learn the all important skills of commitment such as sympathy, understanding the intentions and motives of their partner, compassion and empathy. They may even choose someone to love who is even more narcissistic and selfish than themselves thus mirroring their own problems.

True intimacy and a lasting partnership require the skills of dealing with conflict. After the euphoria of a new relationship wears off, each partner’s values and belief systems begin to rub against each other. At this point negotiating conflict is necessary for the relationship to continue effectively. Narcissistic people often discount the issues in the relationship and pull away from their partner. The narcissistic defenses of becoming angry, shutting down, minimizing and distancing keep them feeling safe in the moment.

Intimacy is always affected. When problems are never resolved, the partner becomes highly threatened and angry themselves thus weakening the relationship. Typically children and partners who suffer verbal, physical or sexual abuse become so overwhelmed and threatened that they do not want to continue in relationship.

Changing the Pattern

The antidote to narcissistic behavior is to understand how the defenses work, identify and correct the errors in thinking and learn to tolerate frustration, anxiety, sadness and shame. By learning to be straight first with the self, and then with others, these unhealthy defenses can be lessened. Then the person can learn to live in the world of reality even though it hurts at times instead of turning to a fantasy that can never be gained.

People with severe narcissistic traits do not change because they do no believe that they have a problem and what they are doing works for them. The narcissistic defense occurs to keep them from feeling bad so they can’t know their own defects.

People with strong narcissistic traits are not interested in reading self help books or learning about their feelings. What they do works for them—they get what they want and CANNOT see the damage that they inflict on others. They do not want to come to therapy and often have the myth of “I can do it all by myself. I can change if I want to.” while it is apparent to others that they cannot. They are UNABLE to see the depth of their pathology as to know their shortcomings would send them down into great shame which would trigger depression.

Some people with milder versions of narcissistic behavior may change somewhat across their lifetime if they become more aware of their actions because they stand to lose something or someone they love. Some start to admit their selfishness, short comings, defensiveness, inability to take responsibility for their actions. As they grow older, some start to identify their insensitivity when dealing with those around them. With hard work, people with narcissistic defenses can learn conflict negotiation and appropriate, safe anger expression. They can learn to be less self-centered and more empathetic with others.

Some come to couples therapy after years of being abusive asking that their spouse be closer and more intimate with them. What they do not realize is that when there has been great pain and threat, basic trust has been broken in the relationship and it is unlikely that it can be regained.

Education, self-searching and therapy are needed to resolve these defense mechanisms that interfere with the ability to be happy. They can learn to become more real with their feelings; they will gain self-esteem by stretching and growing, even if it means being vulnerable to uncomfortable emotional states. As these new skills are learned, they can achieve more satisfying and balanced relationships with others.

Mature Healthy Narcissism

Everyone has narcissistic behaviors; it is normal to think of ones self and try to get out needs met. We view the world through our own narrow outlook based on our past history and our conditioning. We all need to care enough about our self (narcissism) to pay our bills and function effectively in life. It is only when selfish behavior gets out of hand does it cause problems for the person and those around him.

“Each of us functions with a core of narcissistic, self focused view of the world,” said Marion Soloman, psychodynamic psychologist. Now we all have a bit of narcissism and indeed need some of it to survive. We all have a bit of selfishness in us and that is okay. Otherwise we would end up giving away everything. We need to learn to receive as well as give to be healthy.

The Narcissistic-Co-dependency Continuum

FEAR: I am not safe unless I get. LOVE: I am safe
FEAR: I am not safe unless I give. Loving, conscious relationship

Shadow Parts which create Suffering Through Too little Caring for Others
Shadow Parts which create Suffering Through Too much Caring for Others

Narcissism ------------- Reciprocal Loving ---------- Co-dependency

Mature Healthy Narcissism

Getting a good balance between taking from others and giving to them is called "Healthy Narcissism" by the psychoanalytic community. Healthy Narcissism is the ability to have reciprocal relationships where the need of each of the partners is balanced with the needs of the other.

Mature Healthy Narcissism is the middle ground between caring for self and the caring for other. It includes those centered, conscious choices that fall within the center of the continuum. It is the equilibrium between taking too much and giving too much in regards to the other person. Moving towards the middle of the Narcissistic-Co-dependency continuum where there is not too much and not too little of either giving too much to others or expecting too much brings balance into a life. By learning the balance between giving too much and taking too much and learning the skills of communication that create intimacy (See books by Harville Hendrix and John Gottman); you can have loving, fulfilling relationships.

**That's the way narcissists think: they think that feelings are weakness, beneath a grand being like them. They make sure they feel none. (The ONLY time they acknowledge and explore feelings is when devising some way to really hurt feelings = the empathy of the sadist, who achieves mental cruelty to others by imagining how various things he might do would make him feel if they were done to him.)

I know that, in my own experience, getting in touch with my feelings was the turning point. I started to explore my feelings, asking myself just exactly how this stuff was making me feel. I mean that I dug deep until I could put my finger on exactly HOW a thing made me feel. Did it make me feel violated in some way? Did it make me feel like two cents waiting for change? And so on. And then I zeroed in on why what the narc did made me feel that way.

Guess what? I discovered that all my feelings were perfectly natural and that I was just being normal and human for feeling that way. I also saw that the narcissist was deliberately working to make me feel that way. Needless to say, that changed everything. I was no longer easy prey.**

Mel: It sounds like G was L's enabler and it empowered her in her own mind of things, but when you entered the pic and took that away from her things got ugly and her use of words like creepy and sick about your relationship with G points to that projection thing, but if she would look upon inspection into her own relationship with Grace she might find that IT was creepy and sick.

Grrr.. Hulk SMASH!

2009-09-22T19:05:36Z

So I met this lovely woman named G (through my roomie, they are friends that work together at times) and we're now dating. The problem is my roommate. She's an attention whore and when she doesn't get the attention she wants she turns into a spoiled child. She is being such a b***h! The anger and awkwardness between my roomie and G has been building since I came on to the scene so a conversation/confrontation was inevitable. They started talking and I made myself scarce. My roomie doesn't know G and I are not just friends at this point because we elected not to tell her. She's the type of person that would tell everyone and over sensationalize the whole thing. Besides she has no right to tell anyone, it's none of her damn business. She's already jealous because when G and I are together we don't pay attention to her as much as she would like.

After the convo G told me that my roomie used words like "creepy" and "sick" to describe the way G and I are together. This from the woman that says she has no problem with gay people. She who proclaims to be oh so progressive because she's had sex with a woman before (in a threesome with a man) and has gay friends.. Yeah whatever you f***ing hypocrite. I'm really pissed and I can't even say anything about it because I wasn't the one having the conversation when the comments were said. It's a damn good thing I wasn't otherwise I might not have a place to live today. It really bothers me because her words hurt G and made her cry. And the only reason she used those words was to be hurtful because she had felt hurt and excluded. So damn childish.

G just recently discovered her attraction to women when we met and she said to me today "I don't think she's going to be one of the people that support me through this.." and she's right. I love my apartment but my roomie has left alot to be desired. I might have to move again and that really sucks. It won't be easy that's for sure. *sigh* Why are some people such asshats? I mean how hard is it to keep your trap shut about something that is none of your damn business? Anyone need a roomie in Ottawa?

Things I would love to say to my roommate but can't..

"You know how you said people have one main personality flaw? You want to know what yours is? You are a complete attention whore. It's all gotta be about you all the time. Other people have lives and problems and situations they are dealing with too you know. Your utter selfishness makes you an awful friend because you don't care what's going on with the people in your life. When was the last time you asked anyone a question about their well being, their life? NEVER. You're excuse of 'I'm a nurse.' does not get you a free pass to act like a child nor does it make you a better person than others. So mommy and daddy never encouraged you? Boo fuckin hoo, why don't you call the waaaaah-mbulance. Grow the fuck up and be thankful for all you have in your life."

A picture speaks thousand words, well this picture just says one but I think it perfectly illustrated my feelings about my roomie right now.

On the bright side G and I are going on our first date friday! :)

Scientists turn bone marrow into sperm

2009-09-21T16:56:16Z

SCIENTISTS are ready to turn female bone marrow into sperm, cutting men out of the process of creating life.

The breakthrough paves the way for lesbian couples to have children that are biologically their own.

Gay men could follow suit by using the technique to make eggs from male bone marrow.

Researchers at Newcastle upon Tyne University in England say their technique will help lead to new treatments for infertility.

But critics warn that it sidelines men and raises the prospect of babies being born through entirely artificial means.

The research centres around stem cells - the body's "mother" cells, which can turn into any other type of cell.

According to New Scientist magazine, the scientists want to take stem cells from a woman donor's bone marrow and transform them into sperm through the use of special chemicals and vitamins.

Newcastle professor Karim Nayernia has applied for permission to carry out the work and is ready to start the experiments within two months.
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The biologist, who pioneered the technique with mice, believes early-stage "female sperm" could be produced inside two years. Mature sperm capable of fertilising eggs might take three more years. Early-stage sperm have already been produced from male bone marrow.

Taking stem cells from an adult donor - possibly a cancer patient - removes the ethical problems associated with using embryos.

Researchers at the Butantan Institute in Brazil, meanwhile, claim to have turned embryonic stem cells from male mice into both sperm and eggs.

It sets the stage for a gay man to create eggs from his own cells that could then be fertilised by his partner's sperm and placed into the womb of a surrogate mother.

Other scientists warn, however, that the research is still in its infancy and any treatment is years away.

There are also fears that children born from artificial eggs and sperm will suffer severe health problems, like the mice in the Newcastle experiments.

Couples who have children from artificial sperm created from women would be able to have girls only. This is because the female sperm would lack the Y-chromosome needed for boys.

Josephine Quintavalle, of campaign group Comment on Reproductive Ethics, said: "We are looking at absurd solutions to very obscure situations and not addressing the main issue. Nobody is interested in looking at what is causing infertility - social reasons such as obesity, smoking and age."

Crazy thought process..

2009-09-20T05:41:12Z

Boredom lead to facebook. Facebook lead to "The Day You Were Born" application which lead to me finding out my flower is a chrysanthemum which lead me to..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chrysanthemum

Which lead me to search o youtube for a song called Chrysanthemum. Which is when I noticed..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxUgGOKd0P4&feature=sub

That on my subscriptions list. I love those two and I'm glad they have creative control over their web series Venice coming in November.

I love the facebook Sensual Characteristics I get for being born when I was. Funny.

YOU ARE THE SEX SYMBOL OF THE
ZODIAC - SENSUAL, CHARISMATIC
AND PERSUASIVE - A LETHAL
COCKTAIL! YOU CRAVE
EXCITMENT,
BUT ALWAYS
WISELY

Virtues

MAGNETIC | BRAVE | CONSTRUCTIVE | SURVIVORS

How does a person crave excitement wisely?? *shrug*

Family

2009-09-19T19:42:33Z

My brother and sister in law. Two of the best people I know. They have always accepted me and loved me for who I am. They have always supported me and given me advice and comfort when I need it. I'm so thankful for them both.

tweyelite @ 2009-09-19T13:20:00

2009-09-19T17:24:38Z

"How do we create ourselves when society is telling us who we are supposed to be?"

Indeed Joss, how? Joss Whedon is brilliant. Can't wait for Dollhouse season 2 to start!

And who else is excited Summer is going to play a tech nerd for another Dollhouse? ;)

..and Holy cro-magnon forehead batgirl! This guy is also joining the DH cast.

tweyelite @ 2009-09-19T11:55:00

2009-09-19T15:56:35Z

Today she texted me from work, good morning beautiful. :) I'm pretty sure she likes me.. today she called me several times lol

tweyelite @ 2009-09-15T19:10:00

2009-09-15T23:12:57Z

Life should be lived unlimited.. by perception, by confusion, by emotion and by fear.

Too bad it's not.

tweyelite @ 2009-09-06T11:45:00

2009-09-06T15:56:18Z

I'm doing everything possible to meet new people. My friend Ray and I went to this meeting for 20-30 yr olds in my area. It was great. We ended up meeting two interesting people. They (V and H) are from Australia and came here to do some of their schooling, gotta love student exchanges.

So the four of us ended up going to the gay bar and chatting and dancing. I also saw this cute lesbian couple at the bar that I had met previously at another event so I went and talked to them. They ended up hanging out with us and dancing with us the whole night. It was really fun and I made four friends/acquaintances out of it.

V is a gay asian man and he asked me how interracial relationships were thought of here (in Ottawa Ontario Canada) because in Australia it's not that common or acceptable. I was kind of surprised by the question. I told him that interracial relationships were common and not frowned upon by anyone that would matter. If they don't care that your gay they won't care that your dating a white guy or a black guy or whoever. Anyway I just thought the cultural difference was interesting.

H is a bisexual woman or at least that's the label she's chosen to identify with right now. I think she might eventually get to the point where she changes that label to lesbian as many women end up doing in their early twenties. Anyway, completely not the point. She is a sweetie and we became fast friends. We're supposed to go shopping next week. So yes I am still single but that does not preclude having a good time, and things are good. :)

tweyelite @ 2009-09-04T01:03:00

2009-09-04T05:06:07Z

I went over to Ray and Drew's and hung out with them and their roomie Christine and her bf. It was a fun night. Ray made a brilliant supper of lasagna, veggies and garlic bread. It was trés nummy.

Ray couldn't find his WOW disc to install it on Drew's new computer so he went a little crazy with the search for it. I don't know if he is going to come dancing with me tomorrow night. I might just go on my own if he doesn't want to.

Lookout

2009-08-29T05:54:27Z

I went to the Lookout with R and her sister L. It was fun. Met up with V and N there and we had a good time dancing. I didn't pick up, big surprise lol I am tired. Bed now.

I love The Guild

2009-08-22T04:37:01Z

New haircut

2009-08-21T18:18:38Z

I look like a wreck but I feel okay

2009-08-21T03:55:09Z

I moved into my new place. All's well. I have so many unsightly blemishes and things *sigh* I have a huge green bruise just above my shin (tubing) many nicks and scars from shaving my legs, bruises on my arms from moving boxes etc. and on the trip up my dog scratched the hell out of my upper chest. I'm feeling unpretty however other than that I'm peachy. I love my apartment. The dog is adjusting somewhat more slowly than I am but he'll be alright. Gonna go chill on the balcony for a bit, get some Sunny D and veg out in front of the T.V. till I decide to pass out. *wanders off*

tweyelite @ 2009-08-18T10:16:00

2009-08-18T14:20:34Z

I'm moving Thursday, woot!

Tomorrow I'll pack away everything and move it into the truck. It's supposed to rain on Thursday but I'd rather it be raining then ridiculously hot as it has been lately. I am so used to sleeping in a cold basement it's probably going to take a little while to get used to living in a warm climate. I wish I could somehow warn my dog that we're moving but alas he is a dog lol besides at least he doesn't have anything to stress about except for the drive up there.

I'll miss my brother and Marie the most. I hope they come visit sometime.. maybe Marie would want to come up and go shopping with me. I'll have to run the idea by her at some point.

Well I have alot of random things to do. TTFN.